Unspoken Fears
by yoru no ame
Summary: For some time now, Shiori has been worried about her son. Will she live with her questions or demand answers? Optional HK
1. Prologue: Concern

Unspoken Fears

Summary: For some time now, Shiori has been worried about her son. Will she live with her questions or demand answers? Optional H/K

Warning 1: Leaves room for light Hiei x Kurama shounen ai if you wish, but it is not required. Just to let you know upfront though, I have a companion piece in the works for this story which WILL contain (mild) shounen ai (if I ever manage to get around to it).

Warning 2: This fic is emotionally driven and contains absolutely no action.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or its characters.

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Prologue: Concern

Everything is my fault. What kind of mother is the cause of her child's pain? Shuichi's eyes, engulfed by a hopeless resignation that was agonizing to witness, told the story clearest. When I first fell ill, it had been those eyes that led me to fear he would do something drastic, and though the sorrowful expression disappeared with my recovery, that's not where my worries ended.

Returning home early from my time in the hospital, I soon found myself walking toward my son's bedroom, even though he wouldn't be home from school for another hour. His room had always given off a comforting impression, as though a small part of Shuichi was held there until he returned. On that day, however, this was not the case.

Everything was in order. There were no clothes on the floor, nor wrinkles in the bedspread but…something was different. The room felt cold and unwelcoming. After a few moments, the answer became obvious. Even as a child, any plant he cared for thrived. Yet at the time, limp leaves and dried petals barely clung to their stems. All his plants were withering – the result of parched soil. He would not stop caring for them without reason. Of all the possible explanations, only one entered my thoughts; something horrible had happened. Shuichi was hurt and alone with no way to call for help.

I dialed the school's number with all the speed my trembling fingers could manage. After asking about my son, the secretary informed me that Shuichi's name was not on the list of unexcused absences. Feeling relieved and confident in Shuichi's safety, I had gone to my room for a short nap. Having been confined to a hospital bed for so long, a few minutes of panic was enough to wear me out.

I awoke much later than expected. In an instant, I was back on my feet, needing to see my son with my own eyes. Certain he would be asleep at this time of night, I tiptoed down the hall and knocked on the door just loud enough for him to hear if, for some odd reason, he was still awake. And as surprising as it was to hear his gentle voice at such a late hour, the strangest part was still to come. When I stepped into his room, the plants were no longer withering; to my astonishment, some were even blooming!

At the moment though, I let the thought drop and paid complete attention to my son. Shuichi's eyes no longer reflected the depression that had consumed his spirit for so long. Instead, they seemed to shine, not with the relief he had shown the previous week at the hospital on the night of my recovery, but with true joy and a trace of the mischievousness they had held when he was a child. Such a relief it was, that not until the next day did the strange turn around with the plants come back to mind.

I didn't want him to feel his privacy was being invading, as I had no reason to suspect him of any wrongdoing. Even so, I was determined to discover what had transpired in my absence to cause the changes I had witnessed. I started by closely monitoring Shuichi's actions and soon realized that he would be gone at odd times or awake in the middle of the night, not frequently, but often enough to make a pattern.

At first, I thought that perhaps I was reading too much into things – that he merely enjoys late night walks – but when all attempts to determine what he had been doing were met with half answers and clever evasions, my suspicions took root. His disappearances, the blooming plants, the verbal avoidance, and even the return of his mischievous expression for childhood combined to create an uneasy feeling that has only grown with time.

What could be so bad that he feels he must hide it from me? _Something dangerous. Something terrible. _That is the fear compelling my body for the second time tonight toward his room. This time I will be waiting when he returns.

--

Author's Notes: More to come soon but in the meantime please let me know if something doesn't make sense to you. I've been working on this fic for so long, I think I've lost all perspective on such things.


	2. Chapter 1: Distrust

  
Chapter Preview: Rampant misunderstandings ensue as Shiori, who has gone to wait for her son's return home, finds Shuichi has somehow returned home without her notice in this, the first chapter of Unspoken Fears.  
Author's Note: This is the first of four planned chapters. It is also likely to be the longest at only 1,650 words so I hope no one is looking for an epic here.  
Disclaimer: It should go without saying: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or its characters. 

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Chapter 1: Distrust

Light floods out from the open door and I inwardly chide myself. I was the one that left the light on and the door open, a sign to Shuichi that it was time we had a talk. His late night gallivanting has gone on for far too long and I'm ashamed that it has taken me this much time to work up the courage to confront him. I'm finally ready though. Tonight, I will wait as long as necessary.

Stepping through the doorway with my eyes downcast, I am more than halfway to the bed before noticing. The quick intake of my breath is audible. _How can this be?_ A trembling hand moves to hide the shock covering my face. It's not possible for this to be an illusion nor is it possible for this to have happened without my notice. Yet for all that, here he is; my son lie sleeping beneath a thick layer of blankets.

Bewilderment is soon replaced by frustration and irritation. _How could __you do this – making me worry even after you have come home!_ I have fixed in my mind just what to do about the situation. Intent on rousing Shuichi, I place my hands on my hips and begin to speak his name.

"Don't wake him." At the words, my head jerks around the room, startled being a mild description of the reaction. _Who would have expected someone else to be here in Shuichi's bedroom_? And though I had been oblivious to his presence, the owner of the deep voice was leaning, arms and ankles crossed, against the wall by the window _–_ clearly visible to anyone paying the slightest bit of attention.

"You are Shiori…Shuichi's…"

"Mother. Yes. I am." I finish his sentence for him while my mind replays the way he had said my son's name…the hesitation in his voice. _How absurd!_ It was as though he honestly thought he had the wrong name.

"There is nothing you can do here. You should leave."

_Nothing I can… What are you talking about? Who are you? How did you even get in my house!_ Opening my mouth to demand answers, the slim figure leaves his spot on the wall and I'm left gaping as I change my mind. The intruder radiates danger with the intensity of his focus on Shuichi and the reduction in distance between him and my son sets off parental alarms. It doesn't matter who he is; I want him away from Shuichi. Taking a deep breath, I prepare for a stern tone of voice. "Stay back from my son!"

Stopping his advance, the stranger pulls his gaze away from Shuichi and bores into me with cruel eyes. I take an involuntary step back. His reply is eerie in its calmness. "Keep your voice down. He needs rest."

_Rest? Why?_ "Shuichi looks..."

"Remain silent." The words are low in volume but harsh in inflection.

Heedless of his warnings, I raise my voice in the beginnings of a protest when a sudden painful groan from Shuichi draws the stranger's attention as well as my own. I can see Shuichi mumbling in his sleep, though from my position still halfway across the room, the words are impossible to make out. The unwanted visitor finishes his short walk to my son's bedside and using his distraction, I take a few steps closer as well, careful not to come too close to the intruder. _What are you trying to say, Shuichi? You're calling for me. I know you are!_ I make a silent promise, though I have no idea how to fulfill the vow_. Shuichi, I won't let him hurt you_.

My ears ring when I draw close enough to make out one of his words, "…Hiei."

_Hiei? Why Hiei?_ My brow knits in frustration. It is difficult trying to remember the details of someone you have never met. _You rarely even speak of him – he doesn't live around here so the two of you don't see each other often – but from those few times that you have, Shuichi, it is obvious you consider Hiei your closest friend._ _But why call his name...unless?_ For reasons unknown, I'm sure the young man in front of me is responsible. _Shuichi, was Hiei with you wherever you were tonight? Did this man __hurt you and your friend? Is Hiei still in danger? Is that what you are trying to say?_

The stranger has taken a seat on the bed to study Shuichi's now restless movements. _My poor boy. _His facial muscles twitch, eyes squeezing tight, then relaxing in rapid succession and his head sways slightly from one side to the other, mussing his hair. Bracing himself with one arm placed to the right of Shuichi's shoulder, the intruder leans his body down, his face mere inches from Shuichi's. His lips are moving. _What are you telling my son? If you threaten him..._

Searching for anything that could be used to my advantage, my vision drifts across the room and I notice something for the first time._ How could I have not noticed before? _My body goes rigid and breathing becomes difficult. The situation is far more desperate than I could have imagined. _That madman actually brought a weapon into my home! _The solitary katana leans in its sheath against the wall where the intruder had been standing. _What are you planning to do with __that?_ I look back to the man sitting on my son's bed. He is back in an upright sitting position but his arm is moving forward. I want to scream _– _do anything to stop him from touching Shuichi but I still feel paralyzed. _What if I provoke him? What if he grabs his sword __and... _A shudder marks the unwanted thought.

No ease comes when the stranger's light touch merely sweeps Shuichi's bangs away from his eyes. _How could he be so casual? How dare you act so familiar!_ It is obvious he doesn't know my son. _When you said Shuichi's name, it had been the first time. It had sounded so foreign on your lips. You even had to stop to remember his name for goodness sake! _

The man is glaring at me again. "If you don't allow him to rest you _will_ leave."

I steal a glance at the katana and give a slow nod. The stranger manages to look pleased with himself without the use of a smile and moves to take a seat on the window ledge. _What are you playing at? Do you think my agreement not to wake Shuichi means I'll do anything you ask? You're not even looking at me! __How could you be so unconcerned? You think you are in complete control. You think I am completely helpless. I'm not. I am NOT helpless!_

Only now do I take the chance to study him, trying to memorize every detail for the police. Save for a small piece of white fabric hid in part by black hair and a larger piece of the same colored material resting loosely about his neck, the stranger is covered in black. And his eyes – his blood red eyes – are even more alarming in that for some reason they reminded me of my son's.

Just to look at, I would assume him to be of an age with my son, despite his height. No one could confuse him with a child, save maybe from afar. His eyes are far too mature to be considered childlike. With such a deep voice though – he is defiantly older than Shuichi, though whether it is by a few years or more is still a mystery.

A move to my son's side allows for a close study of his face. The stranger alluded that Shuichi was sick…or injured, but the only immediate danger seems to be from the man sitting at the window. My son's breath is coming at a slow even pace consistent with that of a restful sleep, a great improvement from the restlessness he had displayed only a short while ago. A slight pallor to his skin is the only visible sign of illness though when he had spoken his voice had sounded strained. J_ust sleep now, Shuichi; I'll deal with this crazed man._

Drowning in unanswered questions, I seek the knowledge of the only other conscious person in the room, hoping he will give away an important detail that will allow me to piece together the events of my son's evening. Playing on his feigned concern, I keep my voice low so as not to disturb my son and not agitate the young man at the window any further. "You say he needs rest. If that is true then tell me what is wrong with him; I can help." Silence. I wait, still trying to find further signs of sickness on my boy's face. "Well?" But when I glance back to the window, the man is gone.

Part of me relaxes in seeing the sword still leaning against the wall. _At least I know where it is. Then again, that means he will be coming back for it. _I take a step back and slowly spin to take in the whole room.Nothing is out of place, the stranger obviously had his focus on my son, not the contents of the house. _But _w_here could he have gone?_

After finally convincing myself that the mysterious young man is not in the room, I return to my son and try to clear my thoughts. I make up my mind to call the police before the stranger returns for his sword. Outside the window, the moon is moving toward its zenith. Time has passed with amazing speed while I have stood passive. I still feel hesitant to be away from my son's side as I begin to leave.

The sound of water drops hitting the floor announce that my action has come too late.

--  
Author's Note: Ah that Shiori! I just want to shake her in this chapter. I tried to tell her what was going on, but she just didn't want to listen, go figure! Anyway...thank you for reading! For those who are interested, I hope to have Chapter 2 posted sometime next week.  



	3. Chapter 2: Enlightenment

Chapter Preview: Shiori's imagination is in overdrive, brewing up the very worst interpretation for every action, word, and nuance, until a few more pieces of the puzzle are mercifully given to her by an outside source.

Rating: This story is rated T for Shiori's continuing (and worsening) misconceptions

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or its characters

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Chapter 2: Enlightenment

That he had managed to enter the room without my notice does not surprise me, what does is the dark red rose he has held, blossom down, at his side. Without acknowledging my presence in any way, the figure turns his back to me and removes his scarf and what I now know was merely a cloak of some sort. He must have been outside in the rain;both are sopping wet.

Appearing to be at compete ease with his surroundings – _as though he actually belongs here!_ – he takes his time arranging the soaked articles over the back of Shuichi's desk chair. There is something odd about that, something in his mannerisms that I feel I should be able to puzzle out, but the harder I try the further away the answer seems. _Stop trying; it doesn't matter. All that matters is keeping Shuichi safe!_

Underneath his cloak, the mystery man has on a small sleeveless shirt, worn-out with fraying edges and black like the remainder of his attire – though his belts are white, as are the bandages that cover almost the entirety of his right arm. _Perhaps Shuichi _– _or Hiei _– _tired to fight back?_

He holds out the rose to me with his injured hand. _What kind of sick joke is this?_ After it becomes obvious that I have no intention of accepting, he speaks – impatient to be rid of the flower as though it were a chore instead of something he had chosen. "I didn't retrieve it just so it can wilt in his bedroom." The top of the stem bents to the side so that the blossom is facing the ground and the petals are limp, but the vase on the nightstand is empty, and I won't leave Shuichi just for a dying flower – especially one bought for my son by some creep. Seeming to sense my thoughts, he attempts an explanation. "I did promise." _Is that what you were whispering to him so I couldn't hear? Promises of flowers?_ _Disgusting._ He pauses for a long moment before continuing. "When his life hangs in the balance…"

Those words, 'his life,' echo in my mind with such force they drown out the end of his sentence. _He's insane! How could he possible threaten Shuichi's life over an unaccepted gift? A single flower no less!_ And the way he said it… _so nonchalant!_ Like he was speaking of the weather instead of a human life. _If you're going to take your anger out on someone please let it be me. _D_on't blame Shuichi for my actions. Don't hurt my son. Please!_

I take the rose, afraid of further angering him. I have to do something now, before things get any more out of hand – _I cannot allow him to become violent –_ even if it means leaving my son alone with the madman while I call the police. My mind races as I try to think of a more acceptable plan, but nothing comes. So under the pretense of getting water for the flower, I pick up the vase and slowly back out of the room. My heart is pounding loud enough to give me away, but all of the intruder's attention is on my Shuichi.

Once in the hall, I sprint to the kitchen, set on putting my original plan into action, but as I begin to dial the number, the phone rings. I physically jump and a short startled cry leaves my lips before I can stop myself. I answer, hoping the stranger didn't hear. On the other end, a soft feminine voice greets me. "Hello, is this the Minamino residence?"

"It is." The curt reply serves to intimidate the girl.

I consider hanging up on her but she soon continues. "I'm so sorry to bother you this late. I am Yukina, a friend of your son. Could I speak with him or Hiei, please?"

_Why would anyone call here and ask for Hiei?_ "Hiei is not here."

"I…don't understand. Kazuma said the two of them were nearly there by the time he and Yusuke caught up. You don't think something might have…delayed them, do you?"

_What is this girl babbling about?_ Though she appears to know more about tonight's events than I do, nothing she says makes any sense. _Hiei came home with my son?...So I was right; Shuichi was worried for him._ The predator upstairs must have been watching them, perhaps for some time. It would make sense. How else could he have known about my son's affinity for plant live? The more information I receive, the more disturbing the situation becomes. I've always recognized that my son is far more pretty than he is handsome, but... _How long has Shuichi had this stalker?_ And tonight he must have seen them coming back from wherever they were and…_attacked?_ _What if Hiei needs help? What if he needs medical attention!? NO! I don't have time to worry about him,_ I have to take care of my own son first. I continue out of the need to return to my unconscious son.

"Well, my son is sleeping in his room."

"Oh, if that's the case, I am sure Hiei will return soon. Please hold on just one moment." Background voices from the other end of the line become louder as the girl questions the occupants of the room she is in. When she returns to the phone, the relief in her voice is evident. "He probably just went back for Shuichi's rose. For some reason, Hiei had promised he would. He wouldn't break his word. But don't worry." The girl giggled lightly. "Hiei has very quick legs and he won't leave Shuichi for long. He'll be back before you even realize it. Please let him know when he returns that I am ready if I am needed."

The phone is slipping from my grip, so I murmur my thanks and goodbyes just before the receiver falls to the floor. In a daze, I set it back on the base where it belongs, my plans for calling the police shattered as realization of the situation sinks in. _Hiei_brought my son home. _Hiei_ promised to retrieve my son's rose. _Hiei_ will return before I know it. _But that is completely impossible! _

Focusing on the rose, I fill the small vase with warm water like my son taught me, and set the dehydrated flower in the container. I begin my assent upstairs. _Perhaps the man upstairs saw Hiei with the flower and..._ No if that were the case, how could he have known the story about the promise? The exact same story the girl on the phone told. The only way for everything to fit together is if the man in my son's room _is_ Hiei.

I enter the room quietly to find the young man gazing out the window, studying the moon. Wait..._moon?_ There are a few clouds in the sky but its clearly not raining. Yet, on the chair…his clothes are still in the process of drying out. _How is that possible?_

I set the vase down just hard enough to alert the man at the window to my presence. He may mean no harm to Shuichi, but I'm still convinced he has a lethal capacity. The katana is proof enough of that. That's if he truly is Hiei, and there is only one way to confirm my suspicion.

--

Author's Note: I was afraid I might have over done it a bit with Shiori's misinterpretation of Hiei's motives, but I just couldn't help it! She's so worried that she lets herself believe whatever her brain tells her is the worst scenario…hmmm, reminds me of someone I know (my mother). Thank you for reading. Chapter 3 should be up within a week if not before.


	4. Chapter 3: Conversation

Chapter Preview: Shiori has finally learned the identity of her son's visitor, now she just has to figure out _why_ he is here.  
Attention: This chapter contains some cultural and manga references. For those of you unfamiliar with Japanese culture and language and for those that have only seen the anime, I added footnotes at the end of the chapter.  
Disclaimer: Do I really need to keep saying it? Yu Yu Hakusho is not mine.  
-- 

Chapter 3: Conversation

"Is there something outside." The answer itself is not important enough to make it a proper question.

"No…" he replies, still staring out into the night, "…not yet."

Not receiving the confirmation I had hoped for – _I should have know it wouldn't be that easy _– I use a slow deep breath to help calm my nerves before trying again. "A girl named Yukina called. She said she is ready if you need her."

"He's better now…calmer." The distance in his voice makes it apparent that he is too absorbed in his own thoughts to pay proper attention to what he is saying. "Besides, it's safer for her were she is."

_How could this boy possibly be my son's best friend?_ They are complete opposites. They have nothing in common. Shuichi is sweet and gentle and polite. This boy is aloof, abrasive, and... "What did she mean?"

"Hn." …and his wordless grunt of an answer is, quite frankly, rude. If the two of them are truly such good friends, why didn't he just introduce himself in the first place? What is the reason for carrying around a katana and why doesn't he ever use Shuichi's name? (1)

"May I ask you a question?" Only his eyes turn to regard me and, for a split second, I regret what I am about to do. I only venture on when I am convinced he is not going to voice an objection. "I noticed you never refer to Shuichi by his name. Why is that… Hiei?"

"I do." The disbelief written across my features speaks in place of words. I'm certain he knows what I'm getting at but even still, entire minutes pass by before he decides to elaborate. "You and I don't know him by the same name."

"Oh." _I had no idea._ "I didn't know Shuichi had a nickname. What is it?" The only sound in the room is Shuichi's quiet breathing as Hiei returns to gazing out the window, seemingly in contemplation. _Why would he hesitate?_ "It's not something offensive, is it?"

He swings his head back to give a curt, "no," but after the swift reply, he pauses, mulling over his explanation. "We call him _Kurama_."

_Kurama? Like the mountain?_ (2) "But that's not really much of a nickname…more like a pseudonym. Why Kurama?"

A heavy sigh from Hiei lets me know that all these questions are wearing on his patience. "That was the name he gave when we first met. If you want the full story, you'll have to ask Kurama himself…I don't suggest it."

If Shuichi had the same reaction to meeting Hiei as I did, it's no wonder he gave a false name. He probably used the first one that came to mind, and if Hiei offered his name first, Shuichi, with his sense of humor, might have even picked Kurama as something of a joke. A thing like that is hard to take back. It makes sense that Hiei doesn't know the whole story.

To go from such distrust to genuine friendship, Hiei must be far more complex than his cold stares and harsh words make him appear. It seems the perfect reflection of the current situation. Something is going on here that cannot be directly observed. _Why is Hiei even here? What was the girl on the phone talking about? Where was Shuichi tonight? Was he injured? How? _I need to know.

"Hiei, what happened to my son tonight, where has he been? This isn't the first time something like this has happened." Openly admitting that I have known about the situation and done nothing for so long feels like proclaiming my failure as a mother. I look him straight in the eyes and wait for the answers.

For the first time all night, Hiei looks me square in the eyes, not with intimidation or annoyance but with a firm resolution. "Betrayal is the worst action anyone can take."

"I understand you don't want to get him into trouble, but this is important!" My frustration is beginning to be unleashed as the panic of the night finally ebbs away. "I _need_ a straight answer."

"He should wake up soon; I think the medicine is wearing off."

"_What _medicine? Stop ignoring my questions!" My voice shakes as tears begin to roll down my cheeks.

"Kurama told me how you received the scars on your arms. (3) Would you have acted so selflessly had you known the consequence?" The change in topic catches me off guard and the tears cease to fall. _What does this have to do with anything?_

"Of course, that is what mothers do." The boy's face goes blank and I am once more struck by how mature his eyes appear…as though their owner has lived far longer than the body reflects and has been somehow saddened by all they have witnessed. He is trying to tell me something important with those eyes, but how can he expect anyone to decipher his meaning? I hear the slow, controlled exhale of his breath. _Why would my reply be upsetting_? "I don't see what you are getting at." A new, almost_...serene_, expression crosses his face and he looks down at Shuichi again…or maybe through him? It's hard to say.

His soft words are rich with a logic I don't understand. "Sometimes, regardless of how you feel, it is best to keep it inside – to remain silent, for their sake."

--  
(1) For those who don't know much about Japanese grammar: When you address someone else in Japanese, you rarely used the word "you" and there are no gender specific pronouns (he/she). There are several words that mean "you" but each form carries a different connotation ranging from intimate to derogatory. So instead, you use the person's actual name plus the appropriate honorific (or lack of honorific if that is appropriate given your relationship). What this all means is that in Japanese, even more so than English, it would be a) difficult to completely avoid using someone's name and b) if you somehow manage it, it's pretty much guaranteed to come off as being incredibly rude.  
(2) I'm not sure how widely known this is so I thought I would add it. Both "Kurama" and "Hiei" are the names of mountains in Japan.  
(3) Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this only happens in the manga. When Kurama was still a little boy, he was trying to get something for a school project off a high shelf in the kitchen. He used a stool but still wasn't quite tall enough. He loses his balance and sends several plates crashing down to the floor with him. Shiori swings into action but ends up getting her hands and arms sliced up by the broken shards of plateware in the process.

Author's Note: Only one chapter left to go and it should be out within a week!


	5. Chapter 4: Decision

Author's Note: Sorry for the slight delay, but here it is: the final chapter!

Disclaimer: You know what goes here.

Chapter 4: Decision

_Remain silent for _who's_ sake? For his? For _mine? I am so absorbed in thought, I don't even notice as the wind picks up speed outside. When the storm begins in earnest, the scrapping of tree limbs and the patter of rain drops on the window is merely a nuisance, a pathetic attempt at distracting me from contemplation.

_Nothing could be so bad that you can't tell me, Shuichi. If you have done something wrong, we can work it out together. You are a smart boy, gentle and kind. It's not as though you are a criminal – not a thug or a thief. If you have gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd somehow, I can help you with that too. Whatever it is, are you worried I'll think less of you? Not love you? Throw you out on your own and disown you? You are my son, how can you not trust in my love for you?_

For all the noise outside, what finally draws my attention is a gentle rustle of fabric. Under the heavy weight of his blankets, Shuichi must be getting uncomfortable, because, though still asleep, he is beginning to stir – his arms pushing at the thick layers covering him up to his chin. As he unconsciously moves the top blanket down so that his right arm is exposed to the open air, the most bizarre thing greets my eyes.

A strange, dark brown…_moss?_…covers two short lines below his wrist – one on the underside of his arm and the other on top. The surrounding areas are a vibrant red and a paler shade of the same color runs in a streak along the underside of his arm as if heading straight to his heart.

"What is that?" I ask almost to myself, but as I reach out to touch the moss, my hand is intercepted.

"You don't need to understand." I withdraw my hand in confusion as he continues. "You want your questions answered, but at what price?"

"Why are you being so cryptic?"

"When he sees you here, that's when you will have to choose." Returning to Shuichi's bedside for a moment, Hiei moves his left hand under my son's. He seems to cradle it in his while he uses his other to move the blanket back to cover my son's injured arm.

I spend the next few minutes contemplating what he could possibly mean but find myself more in the dark than when I started. The renewal of the rustling from the bed begins a new train of thought: my son is awake.

Shuichi rolls his head toward the window, but I can still see his eyes squeeze tight before they finally flutter open. Blinking several times to adjust to the light, a small smile comes to his lips. "Hiei…you're…still here." His words are drawn out, still coated with the weight of sleep.

Despite being addressed, Hiei makes no move in response. Unfazed by the lack of reply, Shuichi broadens his smile. "I'm glad…but did you have to leave the lights on?" Shuichi punctuates his question by partially shielding himself from the light with his good arm. Using his eyes, Hiei directs my son's attention to me.

Shuichi's expression, as he follows Hiei's line of sight to face me is one I will never forget, my always articulate son at a loss for words. His eyes are as wide as they can go, the color rushes out from his face and his lips start to move but no sound comes out. I can hear Hiei's voice in my mind. _You don't need to understand. Choose._

As hard as it is to ignore my son's face, I put on the largest smile I can manage and fix my tone of voice. Going with the first thing that comes to mind, I begin. "Oh, Shuichi! You're finally awake. I cannot believe you went out on a walk so late at night, young man! It's a good thing you weren't alone when you fell. Do you need anything? You should have something to drink: water, juice, or maybe even some miso soup? You know it only takes a few minutes…"

I never was a very good actor and even injured, Shuichi is still as perceptive as ever. As I prattle on, aware of how hollow my words sound, Shuichi's demeanor changes to that which I had believed I would never have to witness again. "No mother. I am fine. Thank you. Please don't trouble yourself." It is the same hopelessness he had when I was ill. _I cannot handle this. Not again._ I am the cause of his suffering and suddenly Hiei's words start to make sense, I begin to understand: I do not know my own son, not wholly.

I let the fake smile drop and with all seriousness reply, "Good. You are a smart boy, Shuichi. I trust you." One last glance at Hiei and I am certain that it is relief on his face. _God! I don't even know my son, but somehow, that strange young man does_. With this, I walk out of the room, unable to ask the necessary questions to make a decision for Shuichi's best interest.

Despite his insinuation that not demanding the truth from Shuichi is selfless, I know better. _I am weak._ In my own greed to have a happy son have I given him license to put himself in harms way? _Yes, I'm sure of it. I can feel it in my bones._ When I try to help, I cause him pain. When I leave him, I put him in danger. _I am a horrible mother._

-End-

Author's Notes: So in the end you know no more that Shiori (which is to say, not much). Of course, that is entirely the point. Does that make me evil? Oh well, I can handle that. If I ever manage to start working on it again, the full events of the night will come out in _Silent Devotion_, which as stated earlier will contain mild shounen ai themes. Don't say I didn't warn you. I started this project over two and a half years ago and have since moved onto other things so if you are interested in Silent Devotion please let me know. It just might provide the extra motivation I need! Thanks for reading, I hope you have enjoyed it.


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